


Time.

by chceose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Jace HERONDALE - Freeform, Jace Wayland Feels, POV Jace Wayland, Sad, Shadowhunters - Freeform, clary death, clary fairchild - Freeform, jace herondale mourning, jace mourning, jace wayland - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:07:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chceose/pseuds/chceose
Summary: Jace gets back to the institute after he and Simon discover Clary's dead and he doesn't handle things well.





	Time.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My Wife.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+Wife.).



> This is my FIRST TIME EVER writing something and posting it on an official fan-fic forum other than tumblr. I wrote a super sad Jace thing for my wife. There are spoilers contained from/after the ending of 3A. Its um, Really Sad™. So here you go.

_**“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.”** _

\--  
_“ Where’s Clary?” Jace asked Simon frantically as he finally ran onto the terrace. Before he even noticed his surroundings completely,( as in a whole part of the apartment was now an empty space ) Simon shook his head, looking around himself._

_“ I killed her. Clary’s dead. ”_

—

Jace’s eyes had glazed over, almost as if he was in a trance of sorts. Dead. Clary was gone. Putting on a facade that he was just ‘okay’ or maybe dealing with it, he walked into the institute. Tripping at the stairs that lead into it, he nearly fell forward, and a hand reached out to steady him. Simon’s hand. But he swatted his hand away. “I’m fine.” He said sharply, making sure his strides went ahead of everyone. He had heard them talking behind him, knew what they were saying. They were worried about him. And they should be. But that didn’t matter right now did it ? Jace didn’t care that they were worried about him. That was the very last thing on his mind. Once in far enough, he turned toward the living quarters and bee-lined it straight to his bedroom. But he didn’t go into it. He went to hers. He went straight to Clary’s bedroom, and slammed the door shut behind him. But ..he just stood there in front of the door. His body felt magnetized to this one spot on the floor. Why ? Why wouldn’t his feet move ? Why couldn’t he bring himself to step further into her bedroom ? It wasn’t that he felt bad for invading her privacy. Of course he did. But.. she’s d-... She’s not here right ? He couldn’t bring himself to admit it, even in thought. She had to be out there somewhere, right ? Maybe she portaled herself out in the last moment ? He couldn’t think clearly right now. 

He wanted to walk in and go straight for her bed. Only to sit on it, of course. He just.. Wanted to feel close to her. That’s all. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure what was compelling him to stay put. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to ruin anything in here. He wanted to preserve her as best as he could. He felt as if he’d lost a damn limb. Alec was one arm, and Clary the other. It was just..gone. It was missing. But he had absolutely no damn way to tell 100% if she was truly dead, and that was probably worse. There was no trace of her up on that balcony. It took all of him just to leave Alec down in the alley-way with Magnus, but he knew he was in safe hands. His Parabatai rune had not seared or lit up in any way, so he knew that he still had a part of him attached.

But it took even more of him not to throw up right here and now.

Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.

Turning instantly on his heel, he opened her bedroom door, seeing everyone in the hallway look right at him. But he ignored them all, Simon included. He didn’t say a word to him, though, and instantly turned right to head for the weapons room. He knew Izzy would be with Alec and the room would probably be empty with what time it was, and he himself wanted to stay left alone. But he didn’t make it there just yet. His inability to breathe forced him to veer into the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him and slid down to the floor, grasping his chest. His eyes squeezed shut, and then open once again. Why had he gone in there ? That was a fucking mistake. He went in there too soon. It’s too fresh on his mind, and he fucked up. He tried to catch his breath, but the panic attack had brought on tears, now. He scrambled up to his hands and knees, tears beginning to fall down his dirt and blood-stained cheeks. He was supposed to love her until HE died. And then if there was life after that, then he was to love her then, too. Not the other way around. He never imagined a life without her, and now..

Now he was being forced to.

Making his way ( slipping and sliding on the marble floor whilst still on his hands and knees ) he finally reached the toilet, and barely made it in time, retching ( nothing, because he honestly had no recollection of the last time he ate or drank anything ) into it. Only bile came out, but he couldn’t stop just yet. When he did, he was dry heaving at this point. Falling back against the wall again, he reached up to cover his face, still crying, now mostly from throwing up nothing but also still tears he couldn’t hold back.

Looking to the door, he heard whispers ( barely, since he wasn’t exactly being quiet himself ) and squeezed his eyes shut again for a moment before wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Forcing himself up again he stumbled ( nearly falling over ) for the door. He yanked it open, almost slamming it on himself as he fell out of it, falling again to his hands and knees. Some gasps had been heard from the few shadowhunters that were lingering in the hallway to see if he was okay, and he got up again. If nobody knew what had happened, they would just think he was belligerent drunk, but that was clearly not the case. Finally reaching the weapons room, he stopped, and looked around. But then he turned back around to face the door again. No. No he couldn’t go there. That was the last damn place he ever should think about going. Death ? No, there was too much of that already. That is not what Clary would’ve wanted. Turning his head around he sniffled, tears clouding his sight, his chest still tight with being unable to breathe.

 

He stumbled his way to his bedroom, this time. Slamming and locking the door behind him, ( fumbling still, from having to try to focus on the doorknob and lock ) he fell to his knees again his hands clutching the rug beneath him, and he crawled to his bed, pushing himself back up, and then he turned to his fireplace, walked over to it with vigor and took a deep breath, as hard as it was, and he let out the loudest, most rattling scream he’d ever let out of himself before. This cry was that of pain, agony and sorrow all in one, and then some. His hands swung on whatever objects lay on the top of the mantle, watching them fly and shatter against the wall, barely missing the window. When that scream ended, another escaped, this time he turned, and grabbed the corner of his end table that sat beside his bed. That flung to the wall near his fireplace, and everything on top of it as well. 

He turned again, looking for whatever else he could find. A chair this time, flew directly at the door, and each item he grabbed and threw, or knocked over, a loud cry escaped with them. Finally, he was out of screams, voice jagged and almost gone, he was out of breath, more than before and he found himself being unable to breathe even more so now. He looked around, eyes swollen from tears, nose wet from said tears and snot from being unable to hold it back. He whimpered, and dropped to his knees again, before he fell to his backside, and laid against his bed frame, looking up at the ceiling, his hands now laying palms up as he hiccuped, trying to regain himself. A sliver of himself felt bad for how he was feeling. Alec could feel this too. All of it. And he was in enough pain as it was, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He was too far gone now to try to reign in these feelings, but he was sure that Alec would be okay, and would forgive him.

What he needed now was time. And a lot of it.


End file.
